Bullying
What is Bullying?
Bullying is when someone does something repeatedly and deliberately to hurt, upset or threaten you. Bullying can take lots of different forms, including name calling, being physically violent, spreading rumours, putting you down or deliberately leaving you out. It can also happen through social media – texting and cyberbullying are becoming more common.
Bullying can happen to anyone, young and old – even to celebrities like Olympic champion Tom Daley, who moved schools after experiencing bullying. However, some bullying might also be directed at specific groups of people, such as homophobic, racist, religious, or sexist bullying. It is an imbalance of power, which can make it hard for those being bullied to defend themselves.
Bullying can be really difficult to deal with, it can leave you feeling unsafe, lonely, sad, anxious and make you feel low in confidence. It can affect your sleep, your appetite and you might find yourself taking out your feelings on the people closest to you.
People bully others because they want to feel powerful, and prove something either to themselves or the people around them.
Often it is an attempt to gain power popularity (for example, by making other people laugh or getting other people to be on their side) or to stop getting hurt themselves (for example, ‘If I bully others people will know they can’t hurt me’).
It can also be because:
- they don’t know how to manage their own thoughts and feelings (e.g. they often hit and hurt others)
- they have been bullied or hurt by other people themselves
- they are experiencing violence at home
- they are scared of being hurt by other people
- they are jealous of other people
- they feel like they are not good enough
- they have negative beliefs about people who are different
- they are overcome by stress or pressure
It is important to remember that it is not your fault if you are being bullied. If you are bullying somebody and want help there’s also support for you, talk to someone in your school or college that you trust.
If you are struggling with bullying, you may notice a change in a number of areas of your life. For example, you might find that you:
- Withdraw from others
- Avoid or be afraid to go to school
- Are tired as you might not be sleeping well
- Have lost your appetite, or comfort eat
- Are struggling with your schoolwork
- Avoid certain routes to school or situations
- Are trying to cover up bruises or explain damaged or missing belongings
- Are feeling increased anxious or low in mood
- Are feeling lonely and isolated
- Are feeling hopeless or powerless, and that there is no way out of the situation
Whatever you are feeling right now, please remember that you won’t always feel like this, and you won’t always have to experience bullying in your life. With the right support the bullying can stop.
Related to Bullying
Advice to help me
The effects of bullying can take over your life. But it doesn’t have to, you are not alone and there are things you can do to help cope and stop it happening. The most important thing to remember is no one has the right to bully you.
Talk to someone you trust about what is happening. This might be your parents/carers or a trusted adult. It is important that you feel in control, so be clear about what you want them to do with this information and try to problem solve together. If telling someone you know is too big a step for you right now, you could contact a national bullying helpline on 0300 323 0169.
Try to develop strategies to deal with the bullies:
- If you can, stay calm and don’t show that you are scared or upset in the moment that the bullying happens. Bullies are looking for a reaction from you so getting upset or angry will let the bully know they are hurting you and this might make it more likely that they will bully you again in the future.
- Sometimes our brains don’t work well when we are upset, so you might want to practice what you might say next time the bullying happens.
- If you can, tell the bully to stop. You could say something like ‘ “What you just did is not OK with me, it is not nice so please stop doing it” If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay safe.
- Keep a diary or record the bullying to prove that it is happening.
Try to stay safe on-line. You could:
- Block or mute someone if you find their posts upsetting (they won’t know if you have muted them).
- Report posts and messages if you are being harassed or bullied on-line. Check out Childline’s instructions on how to report posts and messages on different social media platforms. You can also report abuse to CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre).
- Change your privacy settings to limit what others can see on your profile. Here are Childline’s instructions on changing your privacy settings.
As bullying can have a negative effect your self-esteem, try to do things that have a positive impact on your self-esteem as a counterbalance. You could write a journal of good things in your life, plan things to look forward to, reward yourself for getting through challenging times, or try new things to give yourself a sense of achievement. Childline have produced these Top Tips to nurture your self-esteem.
Bullying can often take place within friendship groups, and it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between real friends and ‘frenemies’. A good friend can make you feel good, is trustworthy, and it is an equal relationship; whilst a frenemy might put you down, be hurtful, and make you feel bad about yourself. Kidscape have a quiz you can take to work out if someone is a friend or frenemy, and advice on how to deal with problematic relationships – How To know If a Friend Is a Frenemy.
Try and be an ally if you see, or are aware of, someone else being bullied. If you feel safe to do so, you could intervene by asking the bully to stop their behaviour or offer support to the person being bullied. If you are part of a group where bullying happens, you could resist bullying others by thinking of the impact it might have on the person being bullied. You could tell a trusted adult about the bullying.
Try to practice lots of self-care to look after yourself through this difficult time. This may include finding ways to relax, ways to feel good about yourself, identifying who you can talk to and keeping your mind occupied with lots of distractions. You could download this mental health first aid kit or find self-care ideas to suit you.
If a crime is being committed by the bully, you could consider involving the police. The police can get involved if:
- You have been physically assaulted or attacked.
- Sexually assaulted or touched in a way that’s uncomfortable.
- Someone has stolen from you.
- You’re bullied because of your race, sexual identity or disability.
- Someone has posted naked photos of you online.
- If you are threatened with a weapon or knife.
Who can help me?
Accessing support in your local area, or on-line, may be useful if you are experiencing mental health difficulties that are having mild or moderate impact on your daily life . Based on your symptoms, age and where you live, the support below might be useful for you:
Thrive hubs can help you understand your options.
Our service is designed to advise, guide, signpost and get help for young people within Manchester currently facing mental health and emotional wellbeing issues.
Learn more about Thrive HubsFor young people looking for emotional wellbeing support, this website offers a range of information and services, including counselling, psycho-social support, and cognitive behavioural therapy.
An on-line resource with lots of advice and information for young people.
We provide mental health support within education settings across Manchester, including primary and secondary schools and colleges
Offering counselling support for young people with anxiety, depression, anger, difficult life experiences, panic attacks, struggling to cope, low self-esteem, hearing voices, unwanted thoughts or post-traumatic stress disorder.
Offering a 10-week Junior Physical Activity Referral Service (PARS) Their Children’s Healthy Lifestyle Practitioners will connect families to fun activities in your local area.
Offering community based support for children and young people impacted by violence or at risk of violent crime involevement
We provide mental health support within education settings across Salford, including primary and secondary schools and colleges.
Stop.Breathe.Think is a mental health charity offering online counselling to those aged 8-21, who cannot afford or access support quickly. No wait times and available nationally, we provide vital support to those who need it right now.
A mental health charity offering online counselling to those aged 8-21, who cannot afford or access support quickly. No wait times and available nationally, we provide vital support to those who need it right now.
Offering a variety of resources to encourage healthy relationships between a child and their parent is suitable when a young person would like to or would benefit from developing a better understanding of safe, happy, and healthy relationships.
We provide mental health support within education settings across Trafford, including primary and secondary schools and colleges.
Trafford Youth Engagement team delivers a number of services from our Talkshop base in Sale. Talkshop is an advice, support and information centre for young people aged 11 to 19 (up to 25 with additional needs or care leavers).
CAMHS Services
A referral to a CAMHS service might be useful if you are experiencing mental health difficulties that are having a significant impact on your daily life. Based on your age, symptoms and where you live, the following services might be appropriate for you:
The Paediatric Psychosocial Service (PPS) is a specialist CAMHS team (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, for children who are being treated at the Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital. By providing psychological and psychiatric assessment and treatment for patients who have emotional and mental health problems related to their underlying physical illness.
We are a specific CAMHS team for young people who may have been involved in the youth justice system. We are based within Manchester Youth Justice supporting Children who may be on a statutory court order or on intensive supervision.